


all the stars we steal from the night sky will never be enough

by heavenliight



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mentioned Huang Ren Jun, Mentioned Lee Jeno, Mentioned Na Jaemin, Mentioned Park Jisung (NCT), Mentioned Zhong Chen Le, Swearing, did I mentioned angst, donghyuck is bored, im sorry, its sad, mark can't handle it anymore, then breakup, there's a bit of background nahyuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-07 20:36:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20823428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenliight/pseuds/heavenliight
Summary: "I was hoping I could be enough.""That"s dumb.""Donghyuck we can't-- I can't continue like this.""What are you trying to say again?""You know exactly what I'm trying to say."





	all the stars we steal from the night sky will never be enough

**Author's Note:**

> hellooooo
> 
> that's the first time im posting her so hum enjoy I guess yes  
(oh and like english isn't my first langage so I may have made mistakes. I did a correction but you know shit happens so I'm sorry if there are any left)
> 
> here's a list of the songs I've listened to while writing (im sorry idk how to create a link oops):  
\- how can I love the heartbreak, you're the one I love by akmu  
\- timeless by nct u  
\- say something by a great big world and christina aguilera  
\- apologize by one republic  
\- echo by jason walker  
\- never enough + the reprise by loren allred

The line sizzled.

And then he finally picked up.

“Hello? Mark?”

Mark didn’t answer him. Instead, he just sniffed.

“Mark? Why are you calling me?”

His voice felt a bit hushed, almost too soft to be heard, and tired.

Mark took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

“Hyuck, do- do you think- think we can meet?”

“Mark, what happened?”

He could hear Donghyuck’s voice getting anxious on the other side of the phone. And it would be a appropriated reaction considering the fact that Mark’s voice was dripping in tears.

“No, I- I need to see you.”

He heard the sounds of blankets being pulled hastily.

“I’ll come. The park in front of your house?”

Mark hummed, waiting for him to hang up, keeping his phone in his ear even when the call ended.

*

Mark was sitting on one of the old swings, not trying to make it move. It would creak awfully anyway.

He and his friends would always meet up here, mostly because it was midway from everyone’s house – except Mark’s, since it was the park in front of his house. This place was in so many memories, because they would come here at least once a week. They had spent so many nights in this park, instead of being in their beds.

Mark was a bit resilient at first, because it was not really his thing to sneak out. He didn’t want to be caught by his parents. Jisung too, because he was too scared to go out like that at night. “_That’s a good way to start a horror movie_,” he would say, which would make his friends laugh because “_damnit Jisung we don’t live in a movie_”.

But Mark’s parents never found out, because his house is on one level and he can simply pass through the window, and his parent’s room is on the opposite side of their house. Jisung became a bit used to be out in the night, and he could now actually enjoy the beauty of the sky covered by the stars.

The swing Mark was sitting on was the one that got Jaemin a broken arm, the year before. He wanted to jump from it, but his shirt got stuck in the chain and he ended up landing mostly on his right arm.

Let’s say that it was almost mission impossible to bring him back home because to go back into his room, Jaemin had to climb a tree. And finding a lie for his parents was even harder. If his parents knew he had sneaked out, they would have immediately known that it was to see his friend and they would have all ended up being scolded.

It was Donghyuck who came up with the perfect lie. That night, they had met up because Jeno’s parents fought another time and he didn’t want to stay in his house. So Jaemin said that he fell from the tree because he was on his way to his house. An honorable reason, right? Plus, his parents thought he would never try to sneak out again, since a broken arm was a good lesson for Jaemin, in their opinion.

“Mark?”

He lifted his head to see Donghyuck coming towards him, his hair in a complete mess, a jean jacket over his pajamas, a little bit out of breath as if he had run because he was really scarred for Mark.

The sky was pitch black, and there was no moon this night. Only millions of stars dotting that dark veil, faintly lightning the earth. Just enough for Donghyuck to see that Mark’s eyes were still red.

Mark smiled faintly. “Hi,” he said softly when he was close enough.

“Mark,” breathed Donghyuck, immediately opening his arms to take him in his embrace.

Mark didn’t like skin ship that much. But he liked Donghyuck enough to let him cuddle with him whenever he wanted, and actually enjoy it although he would rarely initiate it.

But Mark was not the type to cry too. First of all, because he was not really that emotional, and secondly because he hated it when someone could see him cry.

So, right now, things were not like they usually were. When Donghyuck closed his arms around his body, Mark did exactly the same, holding him tighter than how he generally would, because he didn’t want to let him go, putting his forehead on Donghyuck’s shoulder, biting his lip, trying to not let go _again_.

“Mark, what’s going on?”

But it was hard, so hard, too hard to not let go when Donghyuck was giving smalls and comforting kisses on the top of his head, when Donghyuck was gently and delicately stroking his hair, when Donghyuck was drawing regular and calming circles on his back.

“Mark, baby, please, tell me. You know you can tell me anything.”

Of course, he knew. Every time Mark had something off his chest, something hard to say, Donghyuck would say that. And it was never a lie, because Donghyuck would never lie to him. He was always there for him, and he had that ability to always make him feel better.

When he had the realization that he might be liking boys? And he was still so confused in his head because he was in a relationship with a girl at that time and he thought he loved her, at that time. Why would he realize that he might like guys when he was supposed to be in love with his girlfriend? And he felt so bad for her, he felt like the worst asshole on earth to have this realization while dating her, it was just so unfair to her.

_“Hey, she’s a good person. She’ll understand. It’s not your fault if you’re figuring things out now.”_

_“But she-“_

_“Do you have feelings for her?”_

_“I- I think, yes? I mean it’s certain that I like her more than just a friend, but-“_

_“No but, Mark. Don’t overthink it, it’s okay. You like her, and apparently you can also like boys. And it’s okay. Speak with her, she will understand.”_

When his parents told him that maybe they would go back to Canada? And he didn’t know how the hell he was supposed to announced that to his _best friend_? Donghyuck took it so well, sincerely well. _“Fuck, you think distance will stop me? It’s the twenty-first century, Mark. You can’t escape from me even if you’re on another continent, even if there’s a big ass ocean between us,” _he said. And Mark knew he was being genuinely sincere, that he wouldn’t just let him go like that. Donghyuck doesn’t lie to him.

And when he realized that maybe, tiny maybe, he had caught feelings for his best friend? Mark still didn’t know how he found the guts to actually tell him. And he was still angry at Donghyuck, because he laughed for almost five minutes, letting our poor Mark with his anxious thoughts.

_“Why are you laughing?” _he had asked why a really small voice.

_“Because fucking finally! Seriously, I’ve been giving you so much signs that I like you, you’re so oblivious! I thought this day would never come!”_

_“But why did you laugh, asshole!”_

_“It’s ‘I love you’ that you’re supposed to say, Mark. Oh my god, you’re so not delicate.”_

_“I am so not delicate? You laughed at my confession!”_

(Okay, maybe this time his reaction was not the best.)

But this time, this time it was different. Everything was different, because things had changed. Donghyuck would not be able to make him feel better, because in this case, Mark was the only one who could do something for himself. And he was sure that, once he would hear it, Donghyuck would wish that Mark had said nothing.

“God, why are you like that,” Mark said with a shaky voice.

The comforting circles caressing his back stopped, and he knew Donghyuck was frowning, confused.

“What?”

“And why do you always do that?”

“What do you mean, Mark?”

Mark escaped the security of Donghyuck’s hug, taking a step back to face him. He had not cried again, but his eyes were so red that it almost looked like it. “You’d be the perfect boyfriend for a day and then ignore me for a week. Why do you always-“ Mark’s broke at the end of the sentence. He looked away for a second. God, he hated the feeling of being on the verge of tears. His throat was so sore that it was too hard to pull out words from it. His eyes burnt, and his heart was just being a pain in his chest, beating like it was trying to free itself from the cage his ribs were.

Donghyuck stayed silent.

The wind passed through the leaves on the trees, whistling threateningly, as if a storm was coming. However, the stars were still perfectly shining in the night sky, above them.

“So, you only called me so I can see you cry and feel guilty?”

“I didn’t _cry_.”

“Mark, who are you trying to fool? It’s not because it’s dark outside that I can’t see how red your eyes are. And do you even hear yourself? It’s like you’re ready to break down at any moment.”

Mark took a deep breath.

“Anyway.”

They had been to so many perfect dates, just because dates were great, and they didn’t want them to be just occasional. Donghyuck’s special favorite was the one at the museum. And Mark would always make fun of him because when he announced their date was at the museum, Donghyuck looked disappointed and amused.

_“You smart boy, why am I not surprised. Next time, I’ll choose.”_

But they ended up having so much fun than, for the next date, Donghyuck chose another museum.

Dates with Donghyuck were perfect, and Mark didn’t care for their location. As long as they had his boyfriend. Donghyuck on a date was dreamlike.

But the problem was that the next day, he would ignore him. He would not answer his calls, not even his messages. And it could go for days until Mark catch him in the hallway of their campus. Because Donghyuck liked being chased, so when Mark would finally take his hand to drag him in the corner, they would always end up making out and not actually talk about how it was a problem. Because Donghyuck would always do his best to avoid that discussion.

“Donghyuck, I can’t keep chasing after you. You can’t keep me hanging like that.”

And Mark too, would do his best to always forget that he wanted to have that discussion. Letting himself drown in Donghyuck’s kisses, because it was easier. Because pretending that everything was alright and that everything would be alright was a lot easier than confront reality. Because Mark knew how Donghyuck was in a relationship, he had seen him, and by dating him he indirectly sign for it. Because he was hoping he could change.

Oh, how foolish of him it was. He knew that Donghyuck lived for changes, but would never change himself. But Mark had reached the point where he knew he couldn’t keep going like this. He couldn’t keep running after Donghyuck to beg for his attention.

Donghyuck was the sun, a pretty flower, he was life. He looked like happiness, and everyone chase after it. He was hard to satisfy, not because he had high standards, but because nothing was enough for him. He always needed something new to keep him going, because he had a fear of routine. The only consistent thing in his life were his friends. Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin, Chenle and Jisung were truly privileged. Mark too, before he caught feelings. Friendship was the only thing Donghyuck would never change.

He hanged out with Jaemin before, but Jaemin isn’t like Mark. Donghyuck can’t stick to a routine, Jaemin can’t stick to one person. He would always say that his heart is too big for just one person. So, their breakup was just “you know what, you kiss well but we’re better off friends”.

And Mark isn’t like Jaemin.

At first, having to chased after Donghyuck was fun, exciting. It was like a game of flirting. When Mark would catch Donghyuck in the hallway, there were smiles between their kisses, teasing biting. But, over time, Mark lost that. Not his feelings, because his heart will still bounce in his chest, his body would still react at Donghyuck’s touch. But he got tired of running after his boyfriend, there was no air left in his lungs for that.

Mark isn’t like Donghyuck.

He needed consistency in a relationship.

It was not supposed to be this cold outside, but the wind was becoming stronger. Slowly, clouds were starting to cover the white dots the stars were. The two of them were just standing, silently, because Mark was waiting for Donghyuck to say something, because Donghyuck _had _to say something.

“Aren’t you goin’ to say something?” he asked, running his finger through his hair, frustrated that he was the first one to speak, the first one to make a move, again.

Donghyuck was just looking at him, millions of thoughts passing through his eyes, but all so useless as long as he remained silent.

“Damnit, say something!” he urged, raising a bit his voice. But he sounded more pleading, begging than angry at him.

“What do you want me to say?”

Donghyuck had raised his voice too, but he was still speaking in a soft tone.

“Anything, just say something!”

"We were friends before dating, Mark. Fuck, we were _best friends_. You perfectly knew how I was, how I am and how I always get bored. Why are you so surprised?”

"But I thought-"

"I've told you that I'm like this, and you know damn well that it’s never gonna change. Is it too hard-“

"I thought I could be enough!" Mark shouted, his voice echoing the thunder approaching. "I thought," he continued under his breath, staring into Donghyuck's eyes, "I was hoping I could be enough."

Mark looked confident for whoever didn’t know him. Always top of his class, a true sweetheart no one could hate. But those who were close to him, his friends, knew that sometimes, his confidence would just shut down. It was certainly the result of the high expectations his parents had for him. They hoped for the best for their son and pushed him to always give his maximum. But his maximum always had to be perfect, or else it would not satisfy them.

He came through a long path to actually gain in confidence and accept that he could lack something sometimes. His friends knew it, Donghyuck knew it better than them. He had seen Mark shake each time one of his grade was under ninety-five, he had helped him through so many anxiety attacks because he was scarred of disappointing his parents. And he was always there to remind him to sleep and not spend another night studying.

That’s how their nocturnal meetings started. At first, it was just Donghyuck and Mark.

And Mark hated how having to beg for his boyfriend attention made him feel just like his parents did when he was not the best student of his class.

Not enough.

"That's dumb," murmured Donghyuck, his tone softening again. " You _are_ enough, Mark."

"I wanted to be enough for you."

"Nothing can be enough for me."

Mark snorted and looked up to the night sky, where the stars were now completely covered but clouds. "You're not even tryna be delicate with me. Did you even care for me at some point?"

"Don't say stupid shit like that. You can’t say that after all the sleepless nights I’ve spent for you. I’ve proved you so many times how much you mean to me."

"And yet. You were more considerate and caring back then. Isn't it funny that you lost interest in me as soon as we started dating?"

The thunder was getting closer to them and this time, it was the upcoming storm that was echoing Mark's feelings. All his frustration, and his anger, and his heartbreak, all at once, were bouncing in his chest like the rare lightning bolts in the sky.

"You're just thrilled by the hunt," he continued, "you just love the feeling of being chased. But you will never let someone catch you. You just love the attention, you only love having someone wrapped around your finger.”

Donghyuck sighed, bit his lip, ran his hand through his hair.

"It's not like that."

"It's exactly like that!” Mark whisper shouted. “Are you purposely denying everything or do you really not realize how much the way you act can hurt me? Don’t you realize how much it hurts to know that the day after a date you’re going to avoid me and ghost me? How much it hurts me to just lay in my bed wide awake thinking that it’s because when I know damn well that it’s because of _you_?”

Donghyuck stayed silent.

Mark huffed.

“Hyuck, I can’t live one day with you and the next days without you. I need you every day. I love you so much that I need you every day.”

Mark wasn’t found of expressing is feeling out loud, but it was something he was working on. Donghyuck would always be the one to initiate “I love you-s” and never asked Mark for more.

_“You don’t need to speak, your eyes spark with thousands of stars each time you’re looking at me. God, sometimes you even have the biggest heart eyes I’ve ever seen. It’s your language. That’s how you tell me.”_

So, Mark saying ‘I love you” wasn’t really every day, but it didn’t mean he didn’t had these three little words in big, red and sparkling letters in his head when he was with Donghyuck.

Dressed in clouds, the sky looked like a piece of black velvet, lightning bold streaking it the same way the light would make the fabric shine.

"Donghyuck we can't-- I can't continue like this."

"What are you trying to say again?" Donghyuck murmured. 

"You know exactly what I'm trying to say."

“Maybe I’m just waiting for you to prove me that I’m wrong. I don’t want to hear it, as much as you don’t want to say it.”

“But I’ll say it.”

Mark sat back on the swing. He took a breath.

“I want to break up.”

“No, you don’t want that,” Donghyuck said hastily.

“You’re right. I love you so much, I don’t want to break you. I don’t want to say goodbye to us. But not everything can go my way, right?”

“Mark.”

A gentle rain began to fall upon them, like teardrops coming from the sky, a bit colder than what they could have expected.

“I love you, I don’t want to lose you,” he whispered.

“Don’t let me go, then,” Mark said softly.

And, even if the rain was still gentle, it would soak them from head to toe very soon, but it was the least of their worries.

Mark stood and took delicately Donghyuck’s hand. “You just have to tell me that you’ll make efforts for us. You just have to tell me that you’ll stop playing that little game of yours. You can’t get me begging for you forever.”

“I-“

Donghyuck intertwined his fingers with Mark’s.

“You know that I will never lie to you.”

Mark looked up to the sky, sighing, feeling his throat tightening again. He let go of Donghyuck’s hand.

“You had said plenty of times that you love me, but I also deserve you to prove me that,” he whispered, his voice trembling.

For the first time on a date. In a morning message for Mark. In that same damn hallway. During a hug, in front of a movie, while cooking, when they woke up next to each other. Between sweet kisses, soft kisses, hot kisses, after drawing Mark’s jaws in passionate kisses, so many kisses, in a murmur against his ear. He had said those three words so many times. 

“I just ask for that, Hyuck, _please_.”

“I don’t think- I can’t do more than what I’ve already done.”

Mark bit his lip, keeping himself from looking at Donghyuck’s face. His voice was shaking as much as his, and he knew he would not stand seeing his watering because of him. _Why, why, why, why, why_. Mark only had that in his mind. Why was he like that? If he really loved him, why-

“Mark, I’m so, so, _so_sorry -“ Donghyuck said, taking Mark’s hand in his again.

“I don’t want apologizes. I want you to tell me that we can stay together.”

“I don’t want this to be over, I don’t want-“

“Hyuck.”

Mark took a breath.

“Let’s break up, um?” he said softly, smiling faintly.

God, he felt so selfish, just by looking at Donghyuck. So fucking selfish. But he had to be selfish, right?

And, fuck, he would miss him so much. He would miss every goddamn little thing about him so much. His laugh that was so endearing and fucking loud. How he would smile when he flirted. He would miss his stupid hugs, so warm and lovely, miss each time they had cuddled. Miss how smooth his skin felt under his finger, miss talking with him. Miss walking with him, just like that, in the street, by day and at night. Miss the puppy eyes he would do whenever he wanted to drag Mark somewhere against his will, knowing that he would not resist.

Just fucking miss him.

Mark moved closer to Donghyuck and left a delicate kiss on his cheek, ignoring the salty taste they had.

And he turned around, walking back to his house, keeping himself from turning back just to take Donghyuck in his arms, just to take everything he had said back and act like nothing had ever happened. He was walking slowly, deliberately giving Donghyuck enough time to catch up with him, deliberately giving a last occasion to hold him and tell him that he would change for him.

But Donghyuck did not.

He just looked at him walking away, standing under the rain, his face towards the sky as if it would stop his tears to fall. He kept looking up while knowing that if he didn’t move, he would never be able to get him back.

Up, where the clouds had stolen all the stars from the night sky.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it ^^
> 
> if you want we can be friends on twitter hehe its heavenliight 


End file.
